So, it’s the last day of the month. To be honest with you, February had been a bit of a blur and not in a good way. There have been good days, but I’m glad it’s so very nearly over. Here are the bits from the past month that I remember…
Even though it doesn’t feel like it now, it did start off pretty well. February 2nd saw the preview event for an exhibition I’m involved in in Brighton. We’d spent the day putting the work up, and then I had some time to come up with a rather last minute speech to give. Even though I was feeling rather poorly, I’m really glad that I powered through and did it. People loved it and I got my message across. The exhibition is still up for a few more weeks, so pop into the Jubilee Library or search for ‘Into the Outside:The Next Chapter’.
Two days later, I got up ridiculously early, and got on a bus to help Megan move out. After making sure her flatmates were also awake, we headed into town for the last time (at least for now). The whole journey I was trying my best to concentrate on controlling a suitcase so that I didn’t have to think about what was to come. To be honest, I’m still kind of in denial about the whole thing.
Megan’s become one of my closest friends, and I don’t know how I would have gotten through my first year without her. We’ve made so many memories together that I’m going to treasure. I’m so lucky to have her in my life, even if she is all the way across the ocean. Even though we had to say goodbye for now, I’m going to try to think of it as a new chapter in our friendship. It’s hard, but the reunions will be worth it!
I actually ended up going home after I’d waved her off. Sometimes you need the comforts of home. Carys and I had a bit of a catch up and it was nice to spend time with my family. Then I came back for the last few days of my placement.
On my last day in the office, they gave me a thank you card and we had cake. I was touched, and it made my day. I really enjoyed the few weeks I’d spent at Photoworks, and I’m going to write more about this in the future, but right now I’m writing this as a distraction from my assignments on my placement.
On that day, Luca finally returned to Brighton! It had been almost two months since I’d seen him and it was so good to have a catch up. We decided to get a takeaway and watch some TV together – a very low-key, but very us kind of celebration.
The weekend after, I had to go back home for some paperwork for the new house, and it also meant that I finally got to see Jess after way too long apart! It’s hard to seeing each other as much as we’d like to, but that happens when you grow up. It makes the time that you do spend together more important, and while all we did was hang out, it was special because we caught up on each other’s lives and we reminisced about the old times. Sometimes, that’s all you need.
Now that I’m looking back, I’ve had more to say about this month than I thought, but what this post hasn’t portrayed is all the lonely times, the bad days and the general gloomy mood that I’ve been in lately. My mental and physical health have suffered this month. My heart got a little bruised. And I haven’t been in a good place. I’m still not – in fact, yesterday was probably one of the worst days with mood swings and tears galore – but I’m taking things one step at a time.
Deep down I know I’m lucky. I’m loved, I’m (for the most part) healthy, and there are people who support me. It just doesn’t always feel like that in my head.
That’s been February.