I’ve been staring at the page, chasing the thoughts round in my head, lost for a place to start. I don’t have a point for this post, a reason for writing, a way of making it worthwhile, but if I don’t let it out it’s going to take over – and I could really do with some sleep tonight.
Have you ever been going about your day when something comes along and throws everything off? I’m not talking tragedy, more of a slap to the face or punch to the gut than a life changing experience.
Things started off well. I’d eaten, showered – I’d even treated my skin to a full body moisturise – and I was just about to go out for a walk when it happened. Time didn’t stop but my train of thought was lost. The world didn’t fall apart, but a little piece of me shattered. Maybe I’m being over dramatic, but my god did it hurt.
I tried to pretend it didn’t. I went out for my walk but not even Harry Potter could magic away my confusion. I was analysing everything that had happened in the past few months; every conversation, every message – even as I’m writing this, I’m uncovering moments we shared and wondering if I was overstepping the mark.
They’re entitled to your feelings, of course they are, but I’m entitled to mine too.
I gave up with the walk and re-treated to the safety of Netflix. I tried not to cry as it kept playing over in my mind. I didn’t want to be pathetic and do something I’d regret, so I did nothing. The shows played out on screen, as I thought how optimistic I’d been just a few hours ago.
I guess things are just unpredictable sometimes.