A letter to myself, from me Aged 20

Dear Self,

We need to have a talk about the way I’ve been treating you and subsequently how I’ve let others treat you. I want to start by saying that although things have improved over the past few years, I know there’s still a long way to go. I’m taking things one step at a time, so you’ll have to bear with me for a while.

There was a time when I thought of you as the enemy, and it’s only now I’ve come to realise how hurtful that was. I am so sorry. It was a dark time for both of us; so many new things were happening and everything was changing, I was struggling to make sense of it all and I took it out on you. The only guidance I had came from tv shows, movies and magazines. I waited longingly for my Prince Charming, and blamed you when he didn’t show.

I despised you for not looking and acting like they did, even though you didn’t have the stylist to dress you and do your makeup.We live in a society that bombards us with un-achievable perfection and to say that took a hit on your self esteem would be an understatement.  I should have been kinder, I know that now.

There’s also the way I let other people take advantage of you that I need to apologies for. I was so desperate to fill the hole in my heart that I gave it away to anyone without thinking about the consequences. Some of them left it bruised, even the ones trying to be careful left marks, and one person ripped it to shreds completely. What I realise now is that I could have made my heart stronger by loving you first.

That’s what I’m working on now; there’s more cracks to fix, but a little love goes a long way and I’ve got plenty to give.

I hope that we can be friends now. I’ll do my best to treat you well, if you promise to forgive me when I slip up. We’ve got a good thing going on, you and I, and this is just the start of the road. For all the times I forget, I love you and you are more than good enough. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”, and this letter is my way of telling you that I won’t. I believe in you. We got this.

Love me,

Aged 20.

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